A Rite of Motherhood

This is my story a rite of motherhood I had underestimated, and not prepared for, that crippled with an unexpected grief for days. So i did what I do best... a ceremony for myself.

19 years ago at the summer solstice i came to Avebury for the first time, with my daughter, I was also 3 moons pregnant with my son, while we were there we found a solstice, sun shape crop circle on the hill and spent time exploring it.

A week before Lughnasadh, this year, I was in Avebury again, when i heard of a local crop circle. So i went to seek it out, this time i was alone.

In my pocket was a woven belt with many markers of my life sewn and woven into it, a belt made at a druid beltane ritual camp. One of the weaves and beads represents my daughter and motherhood so i had to bring it to imcorporate it within this ceremony. I knew this weekend that I wanted to do a ritual for myself following my eldest moving out, i had assumed by the stones whilst in Avebury. However when i saw the crop circle i whelled up with emotion, i knew my ritual to move into my next mothering phase should be there within the crop circle.

I walked down the embankment towards it, climbed over the fence. I walked around the crop circle, and through it, when i got to the centre a beautiful pregnant mum was sat with a daughter meditating. She said it was her first crop circle.

She was at the stage i was as when i saw my first crop circle. It felt like another sign that this ritual was right and I had found the right place.

I found a place to sit, the awen shone from the sky, my camera doesnt show it in the photographs, but every so often the circle was blessed what seemed like three strong rays.

Lughnasadh felt the right time for this ceremony too, being the first harvest, cutting of the grains, as my first daughter moves out.

I did a private ritual, for myself and my daughter, I cried out the strange emptiness i felt from the space at home. I unwove unseen threads that werent needed between us anymore and spoke prayers aloud.

After my ritual I left a gift from my own person for the space, and as i picked up my belt I received a beautiful gift from the space to weave back into my belt.

So many coincidences occured that fell into the experience, coincidences i hadnt pre conceived at all. All i did was open to thr ideas of holding a ceremony for myself around the rite of my daughter leaving home, yet it was as if the earth heard me and opened to it too.

Motherhood brings so many learnings, so many rites, and so many rewards. I walked away feeling the growth from this new phase, a sense of a new path ahead of me, and feeling a love for the beautiful family i met there who were in the same stage of parenting i was during my first crop circle and Avebury encounter. I felt the meaning of the celtic symbol the triple spiral within me for the first time, depicting the three stages of a womans life, my mum, my daughter and myself.

I was actually in Avebury doing a book signing at the Henge Shop this weekend so this was another reason I found myself in Avebury. Someone suggested while i was on the book stall that my book was a birth. I also recalled my teachers Renata and Steven calling it the place of the mother energy when looking at ley lines. The lady running the shop gifted me a beautiful arywork of Avebury as a uterus too.

So, I also reflected on these incredible feelings of having my book in my favourite shop, the shop ive loved since my first time there all that time ago, the mother energy being to fully present for my first ceremony of this nature as a mother.

I can say that this truly is hardest part of motherhood ive experienced, perhaps because i birthed Jade and became a mum at 16 so shes been wity me my whole adult life as ive grown up too. Yet it feels the most rewarding in many ways too because shes flewn and is such a beautiful woman inside and out. Which is the best achievement we can wish for isnt it as parents.

Some people at my book signing in Avebury also said my creativity for birth has now turned into a new creativity, being an Enchantress.

As a celebrant it never ceases to amaze me just how incredible ritual and ceremony is in helping us understand, acknowledge, and grow through our rites of passage, by creating a sacred space for trust, openness, connection to our inner selves, the source and to allow inner prayers to flow.